Random guy says something

Tuesday - A man identifying himself as something or the other said a whole lot about the topic which he had chosen to talk about at the time. The incident occurred at some point during the day or night when the man decided to launch a tirade against or perhaps be sympathetic towards said topic. The speaking continued for some time or not and came to a close, we think, later on.  His audience, if indeed there was one, seemed to be there and may have been human.

This particular incident of talking is just one in a long line of incidents involving people speaking and others listening, though the latter has not always been a constant in all cases. When asked whether his current talking was in fact an attempt to emulate the talking of others, the man spoke in great detail using words that are believed to be part of a language and later proceeded to leave the room or enter one. 

BMC closes all roads to South Mumbai. “Extermination is in the works,” claims official.

Mumbai - On Tuesday, it was reported that the only known road entering south Mumbai which wasn’t yet under construction has now been excavated for unknown reasons. This was the last artery connecting South Mumbai with the rest of the city and has since left downtown entirely closed off.

This odd situation had been blamed by local area residents on the sheer and near absolute incompetence of the BMC. Richard H., a resident of Walkeshwar was quoted as saying “Listen, we all know that the BMC are cunts. We’ve known that for years, but this is ridiculous. How in the hell does an organization make it entirely impossible for me to get past Mahalakshmi.”

The story however took an entirely unexpected turn when phone lines and other utilities in and around the south Mumbai area began to crash. This made many suspicious and raised concerns about those in the area. But, those concerns were quickly put aside with the commencement of the IPL. It was only a few days later, when the Mumbai Indians began a losing streak, that people raised concerns once more. But by then it seemed that all contact with South Mumbai had been lost.

“I haven’t seen my cousin Jignesh in days. I haven’t even heard from him. I am sure there is something wrong here,” said Kamlesh Shah, a resident of Dadar with family residing in Colaba. “It’s all a government conspiracy,” says one drug addicted resident of Bandra, “they want to kill all the townies.”

The addicts’ views were echoed by an unnamed informant who in the early hours of Tuesday morning called the offices of India TV claiming that he knew of a conspiracy to kill all the inhabitants of South Mumbai. The news channel ran the story the very same day, but it being India TV, the story was pushed aside as being completely bogus.

With elections nearby the government can hardly afford such bad press and has as a counter measure created a new low cost housing plan that would ensure prime locality housing for all those yearning to stay in the south Mumbai area. “As soon as the job is done, and by that I mean the road works, all mumbaikars will have a chance to get their hands on some prime South Mumbai real estate and the government will charge a small commission of course,” said Yash Sawant, the current chief of housing and development for the BMC. “It’s a brand new strategy to beat the housing crunch and is sure to please the electorate, well what’s left of them,” he later added with a sinister grin.

The complete loss of contact with South Mumbai has worried many who claim that something fishy is surely in the works. When asked to comment on this Mr. Sawant said “that’s preposterous, if we wanted to eradicate south Mumbai we’d just claim a tidal flood knocked the place clean” he paused for a moment to make a note in his to do list and then continued, “and why would we want to kill all those people, it’s not like we have anything to gain, apart from a lot of dubiously earned money.”

-Agencies

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