Everyone’s got problems

I have a friend named Sanjay. Well actually I don’t have a friend named Sanjay, Ritchie and me kinda made him up. But I’m sure there is someone exactly like Sanjay out there somewhere, however I doubt that very much since we thought him up as having three arms and just the one leg. It’s the funniest thing when he hops around the place. But anyway, my point is that Sanjay bitches and moans like a guy in the holocaust. Actually even dudes in the holocaust had a little more perspective than good old Mr.………..well we never did give him a last name.

For example, Sanjay continually moans about his mother having left him when he was but a child. Of course his actual mother insists that it was a maid who left that cold winter evening and not her. Sanjay still moans and bitches. Fact is that everyone loves to crib and cry about their problems and hassles and they will not be deterred by anyone else’s problems either. In fact they will hold bitching and moaning contests to prove who has the biggest problems.

Sample:

I’m fat

I’m ugly

I’m stupid

I have an abusive boyfriend

I have cancer

I’m Govinda….

Yes, clearly everyone has problems, but must you bitch and moan about them in the presence and vicinity of people who do not care? Just for future reference I’m that guy who doesn’t care. It’s not as if I’m heartless or anything, I just don’t care to hear about how that friend of yours borrowed a pen from you and then gave it to that bitch of an ex-BFF and claimed he lost it, but then you saw the pen with her and you were like ‘Oh my god’ and she was like ‘that’s my pen’ and you were like ‘No bitch that’s my pen’ and then she was like ‘you ain’t all that a bag of chips’ and you were like ‘that makes no sense’ and then both of you got distracted by a shiny ball and Miley Cyrus walked in and totally took her side.

I mean Jesus Christ, just shut up. Next time someone comes up to me talking about some inane little problem that has the all the significance of a broken nail, I will smash you. Yes, physically assault you and then you and I will truly know the meaning of real problems.

(P.S. I understand that I’ve been bitching and moaning throughout this post. Irony’s a motherfucker ain’t it.)